Know the Truth!

Head Ed

Education for the mind and soul.

 Scripture One:

“Know the truth.”

Recently there was a story about a man who was swallowed by a whale and lived to tell the tale.  Literally and honestly, SWALLOWED BY A WHALE!   

The news report states:

“…Cape Cod commercial lobster diver Michael Packard's injuries and his diving mate's own account back Packard's story that he was briefly swallowed by a humpback whale off the coast of Cape Cod.

He recounted the harrowing -- and painful -- moment he realized that he was in the closed mouth of one of the world's biggest creatures. Experts said the encounter was rare, and likely a complete accident.” (NBC Boston.com)

What are the odds of being swallowed by a whale?!  Of course, my mind goes to the story of Jonah in the Bible being swallowed by a whale and the many times I have tried to wrap my brain around how that could be true.  And yet here I am in the 21st century reading a story that validates the fact a whale can and did swallow a man.  It may seem farfetched but has been confirmed to be more than a theoretical possibility or false belief it is true.  

God is remarkable and always tells the truth.  From the beginning of time incredible stories have occurred to teach important principles, not for Gods benefit but for ours.  Important history and information are recorded in scriptural text passed down through generations including stories many find hard to believe.  Things like Jonah being swallowed by a whale.  Moses parting the Red Sea.  Noah and the ark.  Joseph Smith seeing God the Father and Jesus Christ.  Stories hard to believe?  For some.  But just because something is hard to believe doesn’t mean it isn’t true.   

Finding truth in what we believe is an individual journey.  As temporal beings we often look for validation of truth to back up what we believe through scientific proof, things we can see, or something that absolutely makes sense.  But we are not just temporal beings, we are spiritual beings as well.  Spiritual truth and belief are often validated through personal effort, prayer, contemplation, study, and spiritual feelings that sometimes “passeth all our understanding” (Phillipians 4:7). 

Belief is the acceptance, faith, or trust in something and often stems from the experiences of our environment to which we are most often exposed.  The brain surveys situations and often attaches meaning and belief to something based on what it already knows or has experienced.  In an effort to conserve energy the brain likes to be, let’s say, lazy.  It will jump on the easiest way to define something versus trying to figure out something new.  That impacts what we believe.

  (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brainsnacks/201404/the-real-reason-we-believe-what-we-believe)

 Illusionists and magicians know how to capitalize on the lazy brain to accomplish seemingly impossible things that entertain audiences and have us thinking, “How did they do that?”  When the secret of the illusion or trick is disclosed the manipulation of the environment and brain is so simple and subtle it is hard to believe we missed it!  What we believe expands and shifts as we gain more knowledge and truth. 

All forms of social media, advertising, and news also employ methods of inundating our brains with what we think we need, want, are entertained by, or find intriguing, often exaggerating or leaving out important details to manipulate truth and belief.

 Opinions and information abound and trying to find more than bits and pieces of truth may feel like trying to find a needle in a haystack.  Truth has existed from the beginning of time and will continue to exist.  God has given us agency to help us seek and find truth in our journey of belief.

God does not interfere with our agency.  He does not love us any less if we choose something that takes us away from him and is always waiting for us if, and when we choose to come back to him. The wonderful thing about God is in our process of searching for what we believe, he is behind the scenes allowing us to grow and become more like him.  He is patient and gives us every new day to try again.  

Viktor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist, philosopher, author, and Holocaust survivor, said in his book “Man’s Search for Meaning,”

  “The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.” ― Viktor E. Frankl

Quote by Viktor E. Frankl: “The one thing you can’t take away ...

www.goodreads.com/quotes/29837-the-one-thing-you-can-t-take-away-from-me-is

 Life is full of challenges, confusion, and opportunity and a divine plan.  God sent us here with purpose and a path to find our way back to him even through all the roadblocks and routes of mortality.  He has given us loving direction to help us with life, including our mental health. 

 Mental health is a precious gift.  For those of us who have or know someone who has diagnosed mental illness we know what a difficult and often cruel burden that is to carry for all involved.  It can be hard to understand the complexities and purposes of mental illness or how it relates to Heavenly Father’s plan.  Discouragement may set in which is a normal response to a heavy challenge.  However, the natural resource of hope and agency are abundant and can help us find answers for managing personal mental health and ideas for how to support others in their challenges through Jesus Christ. 

  I sometimes think to help us be more compassionate God has given every person the mental health diagnosis of mortality.  Because we are alive, we will all experience the push and pulls of emotional and mental challenges like it or not. 

Research offers many ideas and methods for treating the symptoms of mental illness including the challenges of daily life.  There are talented professionals in the field of mental health ready to help those who reach out.  Prescribed medications may be helpful and can change lives in a profound way.  We also have knowledge given to us from God through the scriptures to help us understand  agency in our fight for growth and good mental health.  Information given from God and often validated by research.

 God has told us repeatedly life is going to be filled with afflictions, and often people who are trying their hardest to live good lives will have the most difficult things to manage.  He includes multiple examples of the best of the best people having the worst of the worst trials.

 In our challenges and trials believing in God and Jesus Christ is often the only lifeline that keeps people going.  However, we may feel so tired and beat up believing becomes exhausting and discouraging.  Wherever you are remember it is all just growth, and growing pains hurt! 

 Now as I always feel compelled to do, a little self-disclosure.  I have questioned my sanity and too often believed less than encouraging and uplifting things about myself.  I have experienced what I would define as a few traumatic experiences.  I have been closely engaged with people who battle addiction and though addiction is not contagious the mindset is (this topic deserves its own post for a future day).  And as all human beings I have experienced my fair share of pain.  Often those things love to go hand in hand and feed off of one another.  The consequence has been a distorted version of reality and the things I believe about myself, life, and even others. 

 The adversary capitalizes on those skewed beliefs and as the saying goes, what we focus on expands.  Satan takes truth and mixes it with lies using our experiences against us.  Before we know it we are giving our agency to him by believing what he is telling us without disputing or searching for further evidence to find truth.  God and Jesus Christ use those things for our good, to grow us, and help us to know them better.  Working through the hard things in an attitude of believing in a higher purpose eventually erases the distortions and helps us see clearly.

 What do we learn from the scriptures to help us strengthen our mental health?  I am on a mission to investigate and find out!

 Number one in my investigation of scriptures for mental health is:

 “Know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” (John 8:32)

 What is true to you?  What do you say to yourself?  What do you believe about the world and others?  What do you believe about past pain, trauma, and challenges?  Is it true?  Pray about it and find out for yourself.

 The search for truth is often a continual process of discovery as we allow God to build and expand our perspective and knowledge.  It requires commitment, patience, and effort, in pursuit of truth.

  Satan hates truth and pulls out all the stops to distract us from it.  He skillfully uses hard things to pull us away from God and into a world of despair.  He tries to get us to believe the information we often find in the shadows of trauma, addictive mindset, and pain.    Satan can have no power over what we believe unless we give it to him by allowing our lazy brains, and the natural man to run the show. 

  Mental health is a serious matter and Satan is having a hay day stirring us up.  Most of us do not choose to be stressed, anxious, depressed, moody, angry, impatient, confused, traumatized, in pain, or any of the thousands of other mental health challenges that arise.  We feel what we feel and think what we think even if others do not understand.  But we do have the power of agency to decide what we do with what we think and feel. 

 God is amazing!  He is not a people pleaser which can be a bit annoying and make it seem he is far away. He isn’t.   God is a people perfector.  His job is to “Bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” (Moses 1:39)  That is us!  He takes his job seriously which means he will not always give us what we want, but he will always give us what we need.  The big question is do we believe that?  The way we see the world, ourselves, and God all begins with what we choose to believe. 

My intent is not to minimize the layers of why we believe what we do when it comes to the challenges we face with mental health.  They are often extensive and changing our minds isn’t as easy as changing our shoes.  But change in what we believe begins with believing we can.

God and Jesus Christ are in our yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  They are in the details of our lives.  They do not micromanage or demand we follow them, but they send out a daily invitation to come if we would like. 

 Life is complicated which is no surprise to God and in fact often because of him and that is not a sign he doesn’t love us but that he does.  He is working on our behalf to bring us back to him.  I believe God and Jesus Christ are working miracles in our lives every day.  What we see in mortality is only a raindrop of information in a sea of eternal truth. 

 For some belief in a greater purpose comes easily.  For others it may be much more difficult.  God loves us all the same no matter where we are on the spectrum. God has given us freedom to believe and as we ask questions and gather truth from sources of light, we will find what we believe truly shapes what we do and contributes to what we become.  It really is all up to us.

 Life’s a battle!  Keep fighting and Just Press On!  It is worth the effort!

Stuckness and Storytelling

Stuckness and Storytelling

When I was growing up the highlight of every summer was camping with our closest family friends, The Eubanks.  Sleeping in tents, eating out of coolers, sour dough pancakes in the morning, and roasted hotdogs in the evening created a magical experience.  Before climbing into our sleeping bags for the night we would gather around the fire, stars shining in an unobstructed sky, and tell stories. 

Sitting on the edge of my teetering lawn chair, sparks bouncing off the burning wood, mosquitos buzzing in my ears, smoke stinging my eyes, and the flickering glow of the fire dancing on our faces transformed our campsite into a place of wonder. 

The stories were often nonsensical and transported my ADHD brain to wonderful places where things that didn’t make sense did. 

The story I looked forward to the most was told by my mom.  Her voice took on a tone of mystery as she began:

“It was a cold, cold night in those old Ozark mountains.  The men sat around the campfire and the captain said, ‘Boys let’s have a story’ and the story goes on like this.  It was a cold, cold night in those old Ozark mountains.  The men sat around the campfire and the captain said, ‘Boys let’s have a story’ and the story goes on like this…”

It thrilled me every time she started.  I knew it would be the same simple story but somewhere inside of me I curiously wondered about the possibility of a different turn. 

I can almost smell the smoke and feel the heat on my hands from the fire.  Those were times I experienced safety, connection, and wholeness. 

Once in a while my mom still tells the timeless campfire story.  I find myself transported back to a place when life was simple, and I smile.

I am a storyteller, raised by a storyteller, who was raised by a storyteller.  Life for my mom and grandma always had a whimsical twist even amid tremendous loss, disappointment, and things that did not make sense.  Humor was a key element in the remedy for enduring and continuing forward.

Spinning a good tale became nothing short of an incredibly creative way to cope with life.  I learned to take preposterous things occurring in life, add a sarcastic element, embellish a detail here or there, and voile!

I learned sharing my life story made people laugh, gasp in disbelief, fidget, and wonder if I was telling the truth.  I loved it!  And it kept me laughing at the hard parts of life.

However, over time telling the same stories created a pattern that crossed from a way to manage life, into the way I lived it.

As my story of today intertwined with my story from yesterday, tomorrows story was written before it ever happened.  The twisted tales told with sarcasm and delight morphed into a historical novel filled with exaggerated details often taking me from the strong character I believed myself to be to the helpless victim.  Immersed in the past made it difficult to create new pages in my story.  Repeating old themes in a different place and time offered the illusion I was doing something new.  

Unaware but exhausted by the repetition of behavior I finally gave up in the middle of a chapter.  The ink ran out of my pen, sarcasm no longer covered my pain, and creativity to spin the story to my advantage was obsolete.  I was stuck where my story had the potential for a climatic twist.  The turn that makes every good story a masterpiece never happened. 

I was metaphorically experiencing life writers block, shutdown, and surrender to my own choices.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to continue writing new and exciting twists and turns I just didn’t know how. 

I started looking for ways to creatively move through my block. Jumping from job to job, searching for a good fit in my career, daily self-critical evaluations, and hoping somehow someone or something would resolve my stuckness.  I knew my story deserved the desperately needed life changing turn.  The turn would help me be the character I always wanted to be.

Stuck is a lonely place.  It was difficult to reach out to those reaching out to me so I pulled in.  Pulling in is painful because its full of endless words that are nothing more than empty often critical internal dialogue.

I was surrounded by beautiful people, experiencing beautiful moments with them, even cataloging wonder for the “if I just had…then I would be” moment of once again creative living. 

Most people didn’t know I was stuck, blocked, and ashamed for not knowing how to be somewhere other than where I was.  I lost friends who did not know my truth, overwhelmed people who knew too much of my truth, and worried my family as they rode my emotional pendulum of extreme thinking and overanalyzing life.

I have learned you cannot find who you are through the eyes of someone else.  You cannot define your meaning through a career, talent, or idea.  You cannot find yourself through the accomplishments of the people you love. And you cannot run from yourself because no matter where you go there you are.

 I often marvel when I read inspiring stories of people who beat the odds, achieve greatness, and change the world for good, all because something happened in their lives that sparked an “ah hah!”  A climatic shift that altered the trajectory of their story.   I patiently waited, and searched for my “ah, hah.”

Time persisted and ticked by and unconsciously I continued to spin my wheels in muddy history.  Always in motion but never getting where I really  wanted to be.  Confused, as the harder I tried the more stuck I became.

It is true if you do what you have always done you will continue to get what you always got.  Some of what I continued to get was amazing but the stuckness became even stuckier. 

Fortunately, amid the disappointments and challenges I had something special in my back pocket.  TRY!

Try was a gift passed on to me from my mom, who learned it from her mom.  Strong, brave women who showed me by example that against all odds, even when it does not make sense, or critics give you a bad review keep trying! 

A heart that keeps trying cannot help but beat with hope giving life possibility.  Try and hope do not go backward only forward. 

The past creates steppingstones for what comes next.  What has happened does not define me, it is what I do with what happens that does.   

My “ah hah” shift has happened one trickle down moment at a time over years of toil and trouble.  The excellent times and the gift of try have sustained me while I searched for me.

Worrying about the time I wasted pursuing things I never needed has contributed to my stuckness.  Regrets I didn’t figure things out sooner have dampened my spirit.  But, in the adventure of life and the story I weave I can bravely say I was never meant to live a symmetrical but an asymmetrical life.

My time in stuckness has been an intricate process of living and eliminating or identifying the pieces that make up quirky, uniquely me. 

I have been embarrassed about my decisions, challenges, changes, and lack of finding my place in the world. I have anxiously tried to explain my story to anyone who would listen often oversharing in the process, hoping to be understood.  It has taken me decades to appreciate no one can fully understand another’s story because we are constantly judging others from our personal stories not there’s.  My place in the world has not been a tangible location or thing but a carry with me wherever I go curiosity.  Living in curiosity is my place no matter where I am. 

I was born under a wandering star and though I have not accomplished what I thought I wanted; I have made progress in what I needed. 

Admittedly in my pursuit of me I have questioned Heavenly Father.  Wondering where He is and why He isn’t telling me what to do.  After all nothing is too hard for God.  But God is an amazing father.  He loves us enough to give us gifts to help us on our way but He will not do it for us.  If we do not struggle and learn to keep trying we learn to be helpless.  He wants us to learn to be powerful in our own lives.  He wants us to be like Him.  The struggle is not evidence He doesn’t care, it is evidence He does.

Stuck really is a lonely place to be.  But I was never alone.  God has been with me every step of the way.  He has patiently waited for me to come to Him in my weaknesses so He can make them strong.

The pen I believed empty just needed a little shaking to get the ink rolling again.  Being stuck is sometimes a place of great value (even if it inconveniently takes decades).

I continue to wander but I am no longer stuck.  My north star is God.  My drive to keep going is the gift of TRY passed to me through generations.  My try produces hope.  And living in a world of curiosity keeps me living today and looking forward to tomorrow.  I am spending less time dissecting my past and living in experiences that already happened.  I found I miss too much in the present when I am busy in the past. 

The past can be a partner with regret or the best friend of growth.  I know better today than I did yesterday the fires that seemed to burn so ferociously in life did indeed do damage.  But the Lord always makes beauty rise from the ashes.  The thing that makes the difference is what I decide to look for.

Today is a new day, a new page in my story.  I have a pen that works because of try, a knowledge of what I do and do not like because of my past, hope for today because of my belief, and endless possibility because of God.

Today I will wander in wonder still curiously looking for bits and pieces of me.  I will grieve the things I have lost and embrace the things I have gained.   

I will write my today one sentence at a time viewing life through the lens of the “great adventure that lies ahead.”  A style passed down to me by my mom, and her mom.  There will be parts of my story I continue to repeat, not because I don’t know better but because the best parts of a story deserve retelling.

So, “Boys!  Let’s have a story.  And the story goes…”

Write on fellow wanderers!  Your story is happening!

Keep trying! And, Just Press On!

PS…Mom and grandma, thanks!

The Wonder of Belief

 I strategically hid behind the couch waiting for my 3-year-old grandson to come around the corner.  He cautiously approached but he could not avoid the perfectly launched cotton ball that hit him right between the eyes.  The cotton ball slid down his face and dropped to the ground.  We both squealed with delight.  Without hesitation he launched a handful of cotton balls my direction and the battle was on!

It only took a few seconds before my dog Huckle joined in.  Gobbling up cotton balls as quickly as we were throwing them.  Attempting to make sure the dog did not consume our homemade indoor snowballs added an irritating but challenging element to the fun.  

There was a contagious sense of wonder and pleasure enticing the observing adults to join the excitement.  However, the blockade of tangible resistance between adulthood and childhood proved difficult for them to break through. 

Finally, the beckoning cotton balls were too much to resist!  The barrier was broken and before long all 4 adults, one teenager, one dog, and one grandchild were enthusiastically running, ducking, hiding, throwing, eating, and enjoying the fight.  Cotton balls flying by handfuls and laughter filling the room. 

Young children unapologetically embrace the abundant wonder and magic of life.  Without hesitation they engage in games real and pretend in a never-ending journey of childhood joy. 

Even the most seemingly insignificant things adults take for granted or find annoying, children see as gateways to opportunity and adventure. Rain puddles, mud pies, potato bugs, sticky fingers, screaming for no reason, and all forms of silliness are often the catalyst for grand expressions of happiness.

Joy and happiness seem effortless for children because they do not wait for someone else to provide it.  They find it all around them in almost everything they do. 

Children believe in the impossible, probable, and magical not because they have to, but because they want to.  It often seems doubt is slowly introduced as adulthood begins to infiltrate childhood.  Far too soon the simple and abundant marvels of life are replaced by the skeptical ideas of grown-up reality. 

For many adults the beauty to believe is lost in the expectation of scientific proof which frequently results in the believable appearing unbelievable.

Things of wonder do not disappear.  They are abundant and ever present but are often seen through the lens of belief.  Questioning, wondering, pondering, and studying may add to our belief or disbelief.  But in the final analysis stepping away from what we do or do not believe is a choice.

Life manages to throw curve balls consistently and accurately.  Difficult circumstances in all their varied forms may cause dreams to fade and trust in what we believe to be altered.  Childhood monsters under the bed may manifest in the ugliness life sometimes holds.

Beautiful belief becomes distorted as hard parts of life systematically validate our greatest fears.  The once childlike belief that fills life with hope roams chaotically in the mystery of “why?”  Painful experiences, negative interactions, and disappointments seem to mock belief in an effort to distract us from important life lessons in all their varied forms. The reality of what we see right in front of us blurs the possibility that lies ahead of us.

Whether we like it or not the process of growth persists and through tremendous grace the childlike part of hope reminds us to branch out and believe. Throughout life belief’s change in both positive and negative ways and in the end what we decide to believe determines how we live. 

Belief affects how we see ourselves, the world, possibility, and others.  It may be tempting to allow the opinions of others to influence personal belief.  But if you are searching to find answers concerning things worth believing ask the person who gave us belief in the first place.  Ask God. 

God knows the beginning from the end and always tells the truth.  He does not force us to believe anything because our growth comes from using agency in deciding what we choose to believe.  Human beings are easily distracted but God is patient and is always available for wise and purposeful consulting.

What do you believe?  The brain believes what you tell it.  If you believe you are worthless, nothing goes your way, life is always unfair, people are mean, God doesn’t care, and others have it better than you, your brain will believe you and you will live life accordingly.

The truth is most people have experienced feeling worthless.  Sometimes things do not go your way.  Life is definitely not always fair.  Sometimes people are mean.  At times it may feel like God doesn’t care.  Some people do have it better than we do.  That’s life! 

But we are here to live life, not allow life to live us.  We have the agency and intelligence to unlearn ourselves right back to the magic that is rightly ours.  The things we believe do not keep us from experiencing problems or pain.  But what we believe about those things has a profound impact.

Children are born with the capability of seeing things as they really are.  Without embellishment, distortion, or comparison.  They do not question what they believe because they know what they know in their heart and that is enough. 

During this Christmas season there are amazing things to believe.  Some of the magic falls under the category of fantasy and offers whimsical happiness.  Some is spiritual and offers eternal joy.  Children around the world from every walk of life seem to have no trouble believing both and their belief creates a warmth and even a longing that is difficult to describe. 

The dreams of what could be and the potential of wishes coming true are captured in what children believe and during Christmas that spills over onto adults in the most amazing way. 

Children embrace daily joy all year long because they see and believe it.  They understand the value of a cookie, playdates, a blankie, or a hug.  They are mesmerized by flowers, butterflies, and clouds.  They are thrilled by a slide, twirling in circles, or going for a walk.  They see miracles and are anxious to show their appreciation to the maker of miracles by their enthusiasm.  They are born to believe the beautiful.  They not only see realities and magic of today, but the wonders and possibility of tomorrow.

No wonder Jesus Christ directed us to become as a little child.

Better Vision Because of 2020!

2020 has been one of the best years of my life!   

Before 2020 began many had dubbed it the year of seeing clearly.  Once 2020 started I began to believe it was a year to see aspects of my life clearly fall apart! 

The alterations 2020 brought to my life occurred rapidly often leaving me emotionally and spiritually dizzy. Tears and tantrums have accompanied all the transitions as I tried to change Gods mind and get my way.  One thing I know for certain God never allows me to go around what He wants me to go through.  I may have agency to postpone the inevitable lessons but, in the end, turning life over to God and allowing Him to work His miracles is always for my good.  That does not mean I always like the process but slowly I am learning to trust God and a greater plan a little quicker and better.

Now 2020 is beginning to wind down but uncertainty continues to be abundant.  However, I find I feel less afraid about my tomorrows because of the clarity brought from the yesterdays of 2020.  It has been a year of seeing things clearly!

Over the past year in a divine process of elimination God has methodically weeded out unnecessary, good, and even better things in my life giving me an opportunity to see the necessary and best things, or in a nutshell the things that matter most. 

God gives all His children opportunity to use agency to see things as they really are.  He wants us to know the truth because truth sets us free.  He graciously prepares the garden of life for growth which often requires assertive and intentional methods many find unpleasant.

Gratitude and perspective are often difficult when neck deep in the compost of life.  We cannot change the pungent nature of the necessary nutrients that result from growing in difficulties, but we can embrace the hope that comes from the upcoming promised harvest.

It is up to us whether we hang out munching the often-overgrown weeds which lead to spiritual and emotional malnutrition instead of enjoying the spiritual harvest that feeds and fills the soul eternally.  

The weeds of 2020 seem to be extensive.  I know many have endured far more than I can imagine.  The suffering is real as we struggle letting go of the seemingly simple life we had less than a year ago.  Loss in all its many forms takes time to grieve, broken dreams time to reimagine, and life altered time to rebuild. Refining our spiritual vision does not come from tunnel vision but from an expansion of spiritually seeing beyond what we saw before. 

 I believe in important ways I have not been restricted or isolated by the challenges of 2020 but liberated because of them.  I have experientially learned I often cannot control what comes my way but I can control how I see those things and what I do with them.  That is a gift that continues to grow and give!

To see things clearly is not a one-time event but a never-ending process that requires effort and using agency wisely.  I do not expect or want to see the world through rose colored glasses. I want to see truth without the distractions, opinions, and illusions.  As my spiritual maturity increases, I hope to see things as they really are in Gods perfect plan knowing all things, even the hard, are for my benefit.

 I have found living my best self and finding truth does not come from scrutinizing and ruminating on how bad things are, have been, or may be.  Curiously and prayerfully observing life through a spiritual lens provides clarity and direction on where to place my focus.

There will be times it seems easier and reasonable to focus on and even wallow in the hard.  Feeling not ignoring pain is a valuable contribution to growth.  I will continue to feel my losses and allow my tears.  I will throw occasional tantrums and wonder “why?”   Those things deserve my time and attention.  But God gave me a gift I know how to use more wisely because of the lessons I have learned.  Agency.  I will use agency to identify opportunity in opposition, increase my faith as I face my fears, and continue to put one foot in front of the other knowing any step I take forward no matter how small is still forward even if it feels a little like tripping instead of intentional movement.  

Hats off to 2020!  The year that has given me more wrinkles, gray hair, fatigue, worry, and perspective!    It is ironic through the black eye that comes from adversity I am learning to see myself and my life clearly for the first time!

Beauty in suffering

Why?

Why, when I read or hear the story of the trial, scourging, and crucifixion of Jesus Christ, do I become emotional every single time? It is hard for me to hold back the tears as I think of betrayal by friends, condemnation by strangers, torture by soldiers, and crucifixion by the world. I cringe as I think of him being whipped and the crown of plaited thorns thrust into His head. I can hardly breathe when I think of the weighted nails driven into His hands and feet. The thirst and fatigue. The sins of the world. The incredible ability to love others, even His accusers, until the end. My heart grieves for His mother, Mary, who was at His cross, watching her son’s unbearable agony, unable to fix the situation or ease His burden. Can you imagine the trauma and heartbreak of His beloved mother?

I am a Christian, and Jesus Christ is at the center of my existence. I believe it is only through Him that I can come to know God and live with Him again. Only through Him can I be forgiven of my sins, receive mercy, heal from the wounds of this world and my personal choices, and move forward in a never-ending process of becoming. I believe His death was part of a greater eternal plan, but that fact does not decrease the depth of personal sadness I experience when I think of His suffering.

As I pondered the great sacrifice of Jesus Christ over the recent Easter holiday, my focus shifted from His death and agony to the perfect beauty in His suffering.

I heard a historian say Jesus Christ really meant nothing to the Romans. They were only concerned about political peace and satisfying those who were in an upheaval over the teachings of Christ. The same historian made a comment that really stood out to me. He said something like, “those who crucified Christ thought after His death it would be the end of this uprising in new religious thinking. Equilibrium would be restored, and Christ would become nothing more than a memory. But, His death did the opposite. The cruelty of His death and the depth of His suffering actually fulfilled a greater purpose. It made Christ, and all He stood for, even more relevant.” That is no accident! The magnitude of the circumstances surrounding His death made it tragically beautiful, and the resiliency in His suffering awe-inspiring. His death opened a door that has transcended centuries and has allowed millions to walk through as they traverse their own personal Gethsemane and Golgotha. Why do I continue to turn to Christ and His story? Because of the beauty and the resiliency of His suffering and His victory over death! I cannot comprehend or identify with his resurrection, although I am eternally grateful to believe in that miracle. But, I find myself bonded to Christ because of His suffering. In my mind, it makes Him relatable on a different level. I find it is the hard part of His story that makes the happy ending so powerful.

Every person who lives will experience 3 distinct things. Birth, death, and suffering. As a mental health counselor, I have been honored to be allowed into the sacred space of grief and suffering with many of my clients. Some of their stories, I will never forget, because it is hard to imagine anyone can go through such traumatic events and survive, and in some cases, thrive.

There have been more times than not when I have wanted to change careers. I often daydream about selling homemade jam on the side of a small town, dirt road. But what keeps me coming back to counseling are clients who find beauty in their suffering and purpose in what they experience—clients who understand the fight and, though exhausted, continue to battle on. It doesn’t make the suffering painless; it makes it bearable and beautiful.

Every person has a story full of joy, happiness, defeat, failure, success, tragedy, and growth. I have never met anyone who doesn’t have a story that seems difficult to believe. The incredible nature of the stories does not lie in the complex layers of pain, trauma, and loss, but in the beauty of the suffering and endurance of resiliency. As Jesus Christ hung on the cross suffering beyond mortal comprehension, He reassured a thief and directed John to take care of His mother. Beautiful compassion during intense suffering.

Positive growth often occurs even when an individual is resistant to the process. It seems that most human beings are hard-wired to regenerate. Life is full of compost pitfalls; times we literally feel we are drowning in crap. But, isn’t it amazing how compost offers a nutrient filled environment for growth? The process of growth may “stink,” but the end product has incredible value.

Life is difficult. Suffering is unpleasant. Peace and joy, often hard to find. However, there is beauty all around us, even in the ugly stuff. Sometimes it is the depth of our suffering and the magnitude of our pain that creates the magnificent beauty and perspective that comes from the hard part of our story. Beautiful things often take time to create. Erosion, pressure, elements beyond mortal comprehension are often engaged. But, when the timing is right, the birth of new perspective and growth occurs.

We all experience hard. No matter what greater power you believe in, what religion you are, what your spiritual mindset may be, suffering is heartbreaking. As you continue into the unknowns of life, and work through your personal suffering, take time to heal. Be kind to yourself and others. Remember when you are sitting in the compost, you are likely growing. Stop and take time to evaluate what is beautiful and meaningful in all the confusion. It may be something as small as a raindrop or as dramatic as a rainbow; whatever it may be, look for it, and when you find it, treasure it.

Finding beauty in our suffering does not minimize or justify suffering, it honors it.

I am gathering stories and pictures of beauty found in suffering. If you have a story or picture and would like to share, please send to my email at melanie@justpresson.com

Examples are:

1. Individuals who show up during a crisis.

2. Being a survivor and “thriver.”

3. The love extended by others through grief.

4. The tender mercies in a tragedy.

5. First responders in an accident.

6. Members of the military and their sacrifice.

7. Stories of perspective and growth.

8. Stories of the process of healing.

9. Stories or pictures of someone quietly serving.

10. Nature.

11. Family members offering support during times of illness.

Try, try again!

 “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!”  -Frederick Maryat

Walking is a very important skill to master.  But it is a tedious process!  

Children generally begin with rolling over, advancing to a crawl, graduating to pulling up and balancing, and finally the first tentative steps.  Falling and injury likely to occur. 

Parents around the world encourage children to take steps knowing for certain there will be failure, pain, injury, frustration, tears, and finally success!

 I have never heard a parent say after a child falls, “Stop trying.”  “It isn’t worth it!”  “You are a failure because you keep falling!” 

I have heard parents coax, clap, cheer, laugh, hug, pick up and encourage to keep trying because the result of walking will be worth the effort and frustration.  

 In life all of us metaphorically fall.  After all the journey of life is full of obstacles and challenges.  It wasn’t meant to be easy and positive growth does not come from staying down once we fall but getting up and pressing forward after we do. 

Sometimes it is important to stay down so injuries can be evaluated, the cause of the fall examined, and time for healing employed.  Valuable things may happen when you get knocked down and if you get up too soon you might lose the lesson.  But don’t let falling down keep you down!  Make the decision to get up and try, try, again.

Remember fear loves to tag along with try but try anyway!

New goals and dreams often accompany a new year. The suggestions and ideas for living a successful life can be overwhelming!  Narrow down a few selective ideas that work for you and stay consistent.

 Set yourself up for success!  I believe the best measure for successful living is you!  You make all the difference in your own life.

I definitely don’t have answers for anyone else’s life, but I do have a few suggestions:

1.       Dream, plan, try!

2.       Live an intentional life.  Live life on purpose with a purpose.

3.       Set goals.  Small, manageable, measurable, realistic goals.  Daily goals.  Do not bite off more than you can chew.

4.       Make the decision to follow through.  Even if you follow through poorly don’t judge!  Celebrate any success.

5.       Try again.  Failure may be part of the process but does not need to be the end result.

Use a journal or notebook to write down your goals and track them.  One of my favorite notebooks is from a company called Compendium.

Watch inspiring movies or read inspiring books.  Resiliency can be contagious!

There are so many books and movies that inspire me but here are just a few ideas.

Books:

1.       Man’s Search for Meaning written by Viktor Frankl

2.       The Hiding Place written by Corrie Ten Boom

3.       Getting Grit written by Caroline Adams Miller

4.       Oh, The Places You’ll Go written by Dr. Seuss (simple but incredibly insightful)

5.       The Problem of Pain written by C.S. Lewis

Movies:

1.       Lincoln

2.       Second Hand Lions

3.       The Man Who Invented Christmas

4.       Cinderella (Disney’s most recent version)

5.       Finding Mr. Banks

Use technology wisely to find things that inspire you then log off and log into pursuing your dreams and accomplishing your goals.  Failure and fear are part of trying and can be important in the process of whatever success you are shooting for.  Don’t let them shut you down but use them as a catalyst for continuing!  Remember it isn’t about where you were yesterday it is about where you are today.

Whatever comes your way make the decision to press on and remember the power of forward!

(Thanks to photographers featured on unsplash.com for the pictures).

Just Press On!

 

I love this monologue from Secondhand Lions:

“I’m Hub McCann.  I’ve fought in two World Wars and countless smaller ones on three continents.  I led thousands of men into battle with everything from horses and swords to artillery and tanks.  I’ve seen the headwaters of the Nile, and tribes of natives no white man had ever seen before.  I’ve won and lost a dozen fortunes, killed many men, and loved only one woman with a passion a flea like you could never begin to understand.  That’s who I am.” (Secondhand Lions New Line Cinema)

My introduction may not be quite that impressive!  But let me tell you who I am:

I’m Melanie Holt.  I have not fought in any World Wars, but I honor and admire those who have.  I have never led any men into battle, but I believe in fighting for the positive well-being of self and others, which is a pretty difficult emotional/mental battle in today's world.  I have never seen the headwaters of the Nile or obscure native tribes.  However, I enjoy the beauty of any river and dabble at fly fishing when time allows.  I admire obscure native tribes and sometimes daydream about what it would be like to live among them away from my own busy life.  I have never lost a fortune, because I have never earned one.  But, it is important to remember that what we each consider to be the greatest fortunes in our lives is very personal.  My greatest fortune is my family, which I have had to fiercely fight to preserve.  It has been worth the effort.  I have never killed anyone, but I have loved others with a passion (that has been magnified as I recently became a grandma).  I am a mental health counselor, a teacher, a storyteller, a public speaker, a writer, and a Christian.  That’s who I am.

---

TECHNOLOGY

I am passionate about teaching! One of my favorite topics to teach is wisely managing time spent with technology.

I need to emphasize the fact that I didn’t say my favorite topic is telling people not to use technology.  Rather, my favorite topic is doing what we can to use it wisely and find ideas to live life to the fullest!

People who overuse technology (social media, gaming, online interactions, etc.) are not lazy people who lack discipline.  Often, the people who overuse technology are people like you and me.  In some ways, if you have an addiction to your technology, you can say it is evidence your brain is working as it should.  What do I mean by that?  Many of the things that happen in the world of technology are on purpose, with the intent to capture your short and long-term attention.  The fact that so many people have developed a habit, or even an addiction, to technology isn’t really an accident.  There are research articles which offer information to help us understand the specific techniques engineered to please our brains.  These techniques release different chemicals in our bodies which may increase anxiety, produce an adrenaline rush, trigger the pleasure centers of the brain, and even have the capacity to impact our bonding capability.

The constant euphoric sounds, vibrant colors, immediate rewards, "likes," "accepted" or "following" notifications, really send a message you are hitting the jackpot!  Who doesn’t want to linger in that world of winning?  A world where you have a little more control, a little less responsibility, and a little more positive reinforcement than you may experience offline.  Of course it is tempting to spend excessive time in the virtual world. Going offline means facing the real world where we cannot delete, edit, create a virtual self, or start over.  That can be difficult and may contribute to several different challenges.  

Managing media/technology is a gift we give to ourselves.  When we manage it well, we reclaim our time, our lives, and our relationships.  Use technology to gain information, explore new ideas, and even share things about your real life.

Finally, get busy putting all the great things you have picked up from technology into real life practice!

How?  Keep it simple, keep it realistic, and keep it positive.

Here are a few suggestions…more to come in future posts.

1.       Create a wise user plan.  Share your plan with others so you stay accountable.  Include time limits, implement settings, and create technology free zones in your home.

2.       Give your technology/phone a time out.  Sometimes your phone/technology is taking way too much of your time.  Give it a time out!  Don’t be afraid to turn your technology off, leave it home, or set notifications for only those who you absolutely need to hear from.

3.       Get brave and attempt a technology fast.  Designate time you will step away from your technology.  Don’t be concerned if you experience a rise in your anxiety, feel more irritable, or feel like something is missing.  Those are normal responses as you step away from a habit.  If you are patient it passes.

4.        It is important you replace your technology/phone time with other activities.

5.        Take up a new hobby, spend quality time with other people, do something outside, play a game, play an instrument, go fishing, shoot hoops, sit in the shade, whatever you do make it count.

Using technology wisely can be an effective way to change your life and the lives of others in a positive way.  It is up to you!  Your technology is nothing more than a blank black screen until you turn it on.  You give it power.  What will you do with that power?  As they say to all great superheroes…use your superpower for good!

Just press on, and remember the power of forward!