2020 has been one of the best years of my life!
Before 2020 began many had dubbed it the year of seeing clearly. Once 2020 started I began to believe it was a year to see aspects of my life clearly fall apart!
The alterations 2020 brought to my life occurred rapidly often leaving me emotionally and spiritually dizzy. Tears and tantrums have accompanied all the transitions as I tried to change Gods mind and get my way. One thing I know for certain God never allows me to go around what He wants me to go through. I may have agency to postpone the inevitable lessons but, in the end, turning life over to God and allowing Him to work His miracles is always for my good. That does not mean I always like the process but slowly I am learning to trust God and a greater plan a little quicker and better.
Now 2020 is beginning to wind down but uncertainty continues to be abundant. However, I find I feel less afraid about my tomorrows because of the clarity brought from the yesterdays of 2020. It has been a year of seeing things clearly!
Over the past year in a divine process of elimination God has methodically weeded out unnecessary, good, and even better things in my life giving me an opportunity to see the necessary and best things, or in a nutshell the things that matter most.
God gives all His children opportunity to use agency to see things as they really are. He wants us to know the truth because truth sets us free. He graciously prepares the garden of life for growth which often requires assertive and intentional methods many find unpleasant.
Gratitude and perspective are often difficult when neck deep in the compost of life. We cannot change the pungent nature of the necessary nutrients that result from growing in difficulties, but we can embrace the hope that comes from the upcoming promised harvest.
It is up to us whether we hang out munching the often-overgrown weeds which lead to spiritual and emotional malnutrition instead of enjoying the spiritual harvest that feeds and fills the soul eternally.
The weeds of 2020 seem to be extensive. I know many have endured far more than I can imagine. The suffering is real as we struggle letting go of the seemingly simple life we had less than a year ago. Loss in all its many forms takes time to grieve, broken dreams time to reimagine, and life altered time to rebuild. Refining our spiritual vision does not come from tunnel vision but from an expansion of spiritually seeing beyond what we saw before.
I believe in important ways I have not been restricted or isolated by the challenges of 2020 but liberated because of them. I have experientially learned I often cannot control what comes my way but I can control how I see those things and what I do with them. That is a gift that continues to grow and give!
To see things clearly is not a one-time event but a never-ending process that requires effort and using agency wisely. I do not expect or want to see the world through rose colored glasses. I want to see truth without the distractions, opinions, and illusions. As my spiritual maturity increases, I hope to see things as they really are in Gods perfect plan knowing all things, even the hard, are for my benefit.
I have found living my best self and finding truth does not come from scrutinizing and ruminating on how bad things are, have been, or may be. Curiously and prayerfully observing life through a spiritual lens provides clarity and direction on where to place my focus.
There will be times it seems easier and reasonable to focus on and even wallow in the hard. Feeling not ignoring pain is a valuable contribution to growth. I will continue to feel my losses and allow my tears. I will throw occasional tantrums and wonder “why?” Those things deserve my time and attention. But God gave me a gift I know how to use more wisely because of the lessons I have learned. Agency. I will use agency to identify opportunity in opposition, increase my faith as I face my fears, and continue to put one foot in front of the other knowing any step I take forward no matter how small is still forward even if it feels a little like tripping instead of intentional movement.
Hats off to 2020! The year that has given me more wrinkles, gray hair, fatigue, worry, and perspective! It is ironic through the black eye that comes from adversity I am learning to see myself and my life clearly for the first time!